Love Clearinghouse! FTW! Part 2

You know what I'm really bad about?  Having a part 1 and not a part 2.  I looked back at this series I was going to do, and it was all miserable and self-indulgent and not any good, really.

But you know, there's always gotta be a part 2, at least, when there's a part 1.  And since it's all about LUV I gotta finish this shit in February.

Instead of all the miserable and confusing commentary, though, I think I'll just leave it at a few shout-outs to past loves and call it a day.  And when you see how bad the songs are that are associated with my train wreck of a love life, well, it should tell you something.

Everything about my heart must go...

At least the first one rocks still!  This one is for my first real boyfriend, my high school sweetheart.  We were together for about five years, which was more than 25% of my life back then, so it was a big deal.  I totally loved him, but I knew it couldn't go on forever, so we broke up and got back together a lot.  This is the song about breaking up all the time.  LOL I thought I was such a grown-ass woman back then!  I didn't know shit!  It's actually shocking that I can still be taken aback by how shitty and miserable love is.  Anyway, thanks Janis...



Then there was this boy I had a brief relationship with...  Now that I'm so old it feels weird to even think about the teenage version of myself having "relationships."  Anyway, that one was awesome for what it was, but it ended badly and with distance.  A few years later this song came out, and his was the part of my heart I sang it to.  The bright spot in this post is that I found this recording with J. Mascis, my favorite musician in the entire universe and only possible candidate for Lockscreen Loverboy™.



This one's a weird one.  I went to see the Moody Blues with my college boyfriend, and I think that's when I learned of this horrible MB songs from their 'yes, we're still current' era.  There's even a horribly dated official video that goes with it.  Anyway, this is a stupid and peppy song that I knew back then I would hear at some point later in my life and think of that kid.  He was a good guy.  It was doomed from the start.



There's probably a ton of songs that would remind me of my utter failure of a marriage that I STILL DO NOT EVEN LIKE TO THINK ABOUT BECAUSE IT WAS SO GROTY, but let's just go with this one.  Yeah, this was an end-of-relationship gemstone.



GUH, sorry about all the late phase rawking!  Anyway, fast forward through all that mess and here's a song for Thor's father.  Now let's be clear, Thor's father and I never hung out and listened to music together.  Thor's father was very briefly and transitorily in my heartspace for one reason and one reason only:  I was experiencing The Heat™, and he is the Master Progenitor™.  But I was listening to this song a lot during that era, so here goes.



And finally, there's this song.  For that other guy.  The one who never showed up.

Ahhhh looooove.....

Love Clearinghouse! FTW! Part 1

Ahhhhh February is finally upon us once again.  Love month.  If you're happily in love, I hope you hug up and love the everloving crap out of him or her.  Yay!

This post is for everybody else.

It's a LOVE CLEARINGHOUSE!  Everything about my heart MUST GO!  It's like Cyber Monday meets Locker Clean-Out Friday!  WOOOOOOOO

PART 1:  SET UP FOR FAILURE

How are all these records organized?

So first off, I'd like to give a big fat FUCK YOU to Walt Disney for this bullshit:



Way to set us up with some unrealistic expectations.  Because of this, and the many Disney propagandas, all the little chicks grow up thinking, some day my prince will come.  He will see me and instantly love me because he will know that I am really pretty, and sweet, and quiet, and hardworking, and oh so well behaved!  Well guess what?  You just got tricked into being sweet and quiet and hardworking and well behaved FOR YOUR WHOLE LIFE by an evil corporation.  There are no princes.  Even real princes are not princes.  Like the one I went to school with who was pushing a shopping cart full of prostitutes down the street at 3 am on a Tuesday.  True story.

I'm sorry.  It's okay.  I got tricked too.  I'm just glad I got clued in early to this racket so I didn't miss all the fun in life.

Speaking of school, there was a class at that time called, "Lives Ruined by Literature."  I didn't take it, but the title always intrigued me.  I've always thought that there should be a class called "Lives Ruined by Music" and then maybe I wouldn't feel so alone in my anguish.  Disney's not the only motherfucker on the block.  There are all these amazing songs about unconditional LOVE!  PASSION!  HONOR!  VALOR!  So why does it seem crazy to expect to see those sentiments reflected in reality?

I'm starting to think the problem might be that songs are usually only about 3 minutes long.  Like in real life.

For example, there's the goddam Who.  Look, Men of Earth, if you're ever going to sing a song for a woman, or hold up a boombox to her window at night, for fuck's sake, don't play Peter Gabriel.  (Sorry to keep dragging John Cusack into this.  It's not his fault.)  Play this:


I always thought, shit, I would be so happy if someone wrote this song for me.  Or even just played it for me.  Or told me they felt this way about me.  I reckon someone probably has, at some point, for maybe 3 minutes.  And I'm like, okay dude, chill, come on and get you some.  And then they turn back into a frog.  Always, always, always.

I am so glad the moon is finally waning.  The flood gates can come down.  That felt good.