Friday, December 20, 2013

My internal radio is a bitch troll

I'm jealous of iwishuwould and the way her brain is always set to "Rock On, Party Girl!  Whoooo!"  I've been keeping a little draft post going here for a while to jot down the numerous and frequent times I have some fucking God-awful song stuck in my head, and yesterday, I got the mother of all horrific earworms and decided it's time to come clean.  Y'all ready for this?

Yeah that's right.  I know it says "John Lennon & Yoko Ono," but trust me, this is like 97% Yoko.  I swear I felt like bashing my skull in.  And apparently John Lennon was a complete douchebag anyway, so FTdubs...

Anyhoo, here are some other gems my stupid brain has subjected me to over the past month or so.  They might collectively be labeled The Worst Songs Ever That Are Kind of Catchy.

Willin' by Little Feat

Oh Sherrie by Journey

Although Kevs told me that there's some little Asian dude he works with that sometimes breaks out into Oh Sherrie and I would actually like to see that.

Here's one that's a little different...  It's actually a good song for what it is, but it's just representative of the fact that I have kids' songs on the brain at least half the time. 
Fibber Island by They Might Be Giants

Angel in the Centerfold by the J. Geils Band

That rap-ish song about the combination pizza hut and taco bell
(I looked it up on youtube and the description says, "A shit song.  I hate it."  LOL)


I mean, it was high time someone wrote a song about the combination pizza hut and taco bell, frankly, but this one is just terrible.

I've Got Friends in Low Places by some hick

You Can't Hide Your Lyin Eyes by the shittiest band ever

Have I ever mentioned how much I fucking hate butt rock?  And how I have duly crowned the goddam Boss the grandfather of all butt rock?  Yes, but when I have a migraine, I always get this piece of shit stuck in my head because of that one MFing line "It's like someone took a knife baby edgy and dull and cut a six inch valley through the middle of my skull" because he uses a completely wrong word emphasis on the last two words of that phrase.  And ostensibly because when my brain is in agony, it seeks anything it can find in my files to make it much, much worse.

And last but certainly not least, let's get into some BTO.  This is, I think, the worst song that has ever been written, but it's sooooooo freaking bad that it actually makes me giggle now.  I do a mean impression of the lead singer, whose name I will not look up.

Seriously, you need to listen to that last one.  The lyrics are so, so bad.  I mean, look at them for crying out loud!  I can't believe people have actually paid money to go to their shows over the years.  Christ in a cradle.

Speaking of...  Happy Holidays Y'all!


  1. How can Billy Joel not be here somewhere. So much crap to pick from. Yeah, the iggles suck, but that fucking hand is where it's at. I'm gonna try it with my feet. I've had 99 Luftballons and Love In An Elavator swirling around for two weeks now. I'd almost purged them but thanks to you they're back. Merry fucking Christmas. Martin

    1. Oh Martin, just you wait. Fear not my friend, I have a whole post coming up about how hard BJ sucks ballz. What are the iggles and that fucking hand? You been on the nog tonight?

  2. Christ, do you not look at the shit you post? Look at the video for The Eagles (Iggles - say it with an accent, any will do). The eagle that is shown throughout and on the front page is someone's fucking hand, painted and shit. The beak is fingers. I'm almost done with my right foot, but it doesn't look quite right.

  3. dawg, that fucking yoko shit is so god awful! how in the fuck did that even come to pass?? man, PTL I had never previously heard about half of those. And I know I get good stuff swirlin around in my head, its generally whatever I'm playing four thousand times in a row on my way to and from work, so I'm basically programming my brain to play good shit. However, there was once a year of my life (I was ten) when every damn morning I would get Technotronic "Pump up the Jam" in my head upon waking. I seriously thought it would never end. Its still a hellafied earworm tho... ENJOY

  4. For me, "Rich Girl" by Hall and Oats is the catchiest song of all time. "Hard to Say I'm Sorry," by Chicago is a close second.

    If you're referring to terrible (read: amazing) lyrics, then Bonnie Tyler's "Total Eclipse of the Heart" has some real gems, as does Peter Cetera (again), with "Glory of Love."

    Lately, I've had Mac Demarco's "Ode to Viceroy" stuck in my head, but that one is a legitimate jam, with the Montreal songwriter paying tribute to smoking cigarettes for life.

    I was contracted to work for this bullshit website quite a while back, until I eventually told them to eat a dick and they explained to me that they would no longer be requiring my services. This particular post/link allowed people to add their own earworms to the list, indicated by their names in the descriptions under the videos that they've added.