Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Vinyl: Epic Fail

The time had come for a full-on vinyl hunt, so off we went on a two-pronged approach. 

Part 1:  Epic Fail

area.personality:  A year or so ago, I went to a neighborhood yard sale over in Medlock Park (holla!) - meaning where many of the houses are having yard sales at once, not one of those awful let's-all-dump-our-crap-in-the-same-church-parking-lot kind of yard sales, and I scored a ton of awesome vinyl on the cheap.  At least one in four houses had some vinyl.  And really, just any time I go to yard sales there's usually a shot that someone will have a little vinyl or at least some CD's worth owning, and for as cheap as 50 cents in some cases.  So one weekend in April we looked in the paper and there were two neighborhood yard sales going on:  one in East Point, which is kind of spread out and has a hugely diverse population, and one in Glenwood Park, which is very compact and the people are rich.  So being brilliant, we decide to go to Glenwood Park, which is also right near our homes.  One awesome part of the experience was picking up our maps at Drip, which is such a great coffeeshop, and having breakfast there.  Their coffee is good, but they also had these excellent single-serving turkey bacon quiches that were sooooooo delicious.  They also had sweets from the best bakery in the whole wide world, Bear Maker Bakery, so I picked up a double chocolate and peanut butter cookie sandwich for later and off we went.

iwishuwould commentary: man, those quiches are truly delicious. 

area.personality:  There were a total of sixteen yard sales in the tiny neighborhood, so the odds seemed good from the start.  The first place we stopped was a pretty cool young guy who was married with a baby girl.  Oh, odd fact, everyone in Glenwood Park is married with a baby girl.  So if you need baby clothes for your baby girl, yard sales in this area are key.  If you're expecting a girl, hit this neighborhood next April when  they do it again, and obviously it was all nice stuff, too.  Anyway, the guy was nice and his wife was an intellectual, so they did have lots of great books.  But what they did not have was any vinyl.  Then we started looking through his CD's.  I have this horrible habit of shit-talking when I'm shopping, so I immediately blurt out, "Oh at least you're getting rid of all the right stuff."  What an ass.  But seriously, all he had was butt rock.  I'm talking HoobastankNickelsack.  Seven Doors Over.  The complete collection.  But what really, really intrigued me was this:

"You know what I don't mind telling you I like the sports and so I'm just going to let ESPN tell me what to listen to I bet it's boss as hell, man."
I mean, he didn't just buy Volume 1.  He liked it so much he went back for Volume 2.  Wow.

iwishuwould: seriously. that was like the top of the butt rock pops. it was almost like a set up. it was also nightmarish to think that someone had culled all of that crap into one collection. and although you congratulated him for getting rid of all the right stuff, i bet you money he totally had ripped all that shit to his computer before he could part with it. nice guy, shitty taste in music. 

area.personality:  The next several houses had no music for sale whatsoever, possibly because the people who live there are actually androids.  It was difficult to tell just from exchanging a few dollars for evolutionary history books and throw pillows.  What they DID have, however, was more golf gear than you could shake a stick at.  Fuck!  I guess that's how you get rich.  Clearly I don't know, but it hardly seems worth it.  Finally, we came to a house where the guy had about 100 CD's set out and we dug in.  He said, "They're a dollar apiece, but if you buy several I'll give you a deal."  Now, tell me,

Would you spend a dollar to get lost in Jesus?

I actually would spend a dollar if I thought it would help, but I'm pretty sure buying and listening to this would just fill me with rage and hatred.  Jesus does not like that.

Oh, and here's that hick.  He's kind of cute, but I wish cute people would just stick to appearing and being photographed versus opening their mouths.  Homeboy had some of this shit also.


iwishuwould: dude, this collection was worse than the previous one because 1) there was way more of it, and 2) the dude seemed legitimately proud of it all. It was scary because of all that jesus music, and I love jesus, but man...that dude was friendly but he seemed creepy to me....

area.personality:  So then we wandered past more golf gear and more baby girl clothes until Dawg spied the most awesomest thing ever, THIS.

That's right.  It's a gigantic, totally warm, totally soft Jaegermeister blanket.  And I bought it.  The dude used to be a rep for Jaeger or something, so he also gave us some free lanyards and keychains and stuff.  Score!  I love Jaeger.  Here is a picture I took a couple of years ago of this awesome sign on the west side.

iwishuwould: man, i love jaeger too!! WOOOO!!!

area.personality:  I did notice as we ambled along picking up things here and there that there were a lot of shot glasses, stemware, and the like.  Then it finally hit home at the last yard sale we went to.  We found one tiny box that had some CD's mixed in with books and DVD's - like all four Superman movies for a dollar!  Yeah! - but they were all alcohol themed compilation CD's, like "Music and Margaritas," or "Red Wine Reggae," or "Tuesdays in the Beer Cellar."  So since it was our last stop, I went ahead and got this.
"Hey man you know what I love Jaegermeister and since they put this CD together I'm gonna buy it I bet it'll fuckin' rule man."  Alas, it did not.  It is a compilation of bands you've never heard of that sound like horrible bands you have heard of.  Lots of butt rock.  But not one good song.  Nothing salvageable.  Sometimes I like getting a CD for free or 50 cents that has artists I've never heard of, because once in a while I'll get surprised and find a gem.  This one went straight out the window of my Hyundai.

iwishuwould: man that shit was such garbage! and we gave it a fair shot man, we totally listened to every song NOT in their entirety but enough to get the shitty gist. I love jaeger, but the tunes they reppin are wack.  

area.personality:  So, to recap, the good people of Glenwood Park:
  • Have tons of baby girls
  • Love golf
  • Do not own turntables, except possibly to practice the occult
  • Love butt rock, country, and Christian music
  • Might be androids
  • Love to drink heavily


  1. Such a great read. I feel almost like I was included rather than coldly snubbed on a great anthropological observation/journey

  2. LOL you are always included on our archaelogical digs, nance! i personally loved the link to the article about jaeger in britian- good read! i am also fascinated with the evil eye turntable....

  3. Dawg! Because all things are mystical, I got a ticketmaster update this morning that made me aware of the upcoming *Jagermeister Music Tour* coming to Atlanta in July. Can you believe that shit?! http://www.ticketmaster.com/jagermeister-music-tour-featuring-molotov-atlanta-georgia-07-31-2013/event/0E004AD1916D9BBD?artistid=795806&majorcatid=10001&minorcatid=40&tm_link=artist_msg-0_0E004AD1916D9BBD

  4. I wonder if it's because Jager thinks people will be too fucked up to care what they're listening to. Like, the people who love us will be too twisted to care what they're listening to while they thrash, vomit, and wake up in the park missing a shoe. Well I care, dammit!